An oh so painful blesson...
I just wanted to take a big deep breath. And write a little something. Life has its way of, well getting in the way, every now and then. I have been wanting to sit and write for about a month and each time, WHAM…sidetracked. Gotta do this, gotta do that, gotta rush here, gotta handle that. And then…I got…the Shingles. Nothing like a nice bout of excruciating pain, no sleep, no energy, itchy (not to mention bitchy) and more pain to make one finally say, “OKAY I GIVE!!” But I couldn’t give, not for a week while I had a houseful of family visiting. It is crazy how we put ourselves on the back burner. Oh right (I am remembering helpful suggestions from a past therapist), I really ought to state that in first person…”It is crazy how I put MYSELF on the back burner!” I didn’t let on how sick I was, how crappy I felt, how I was only sleeping 2 hours a night. Not until I just couldn’t fake it anymore. And what a relief. Being able to say, “I really need to go rest for a while because I feel like dog doo” was what my body was screaming at me to do. LITERALLY SCREAMING.
So now I am two or so weeks down the road and it is slightly better. And I have the space to ask myself what’s the blesson (the blessing in the lesson)?? For me it is this: if I, big fat capital I, don’t ask for what I need, how am I to get it? The thoughts that ran through my head when I felt so incredibly bad were “hang in there, buck up, don’t be such a wussy, get it together, quit being such a baby, you only have one more dinner party to throw like Martha Stewart, and it’s only a week and then you can rest.” Yah, well by doing that I ABSOLUTELY stressed my system more and probably made myself sicker! The second blesson? If I don’t ask for help I don’t give people that love me the opportunity to care for me and serve me.
Life never really slows down until you consciously make the effort to SLOW LIFE DOWN. Eliminate what really doesn’t need to get done, let it go, don’t be such a perfectionist that you stress yourself out, ask for help, ask for help (we all need to hear that one twice), BE HONEST and breathe. What is REALLY important in life is in the moment…even in the stressful chaotic moment. If you can be present in the peace, in the chaos, in the beauty and in the sorrow, that is LIFE. The striving, the franticness, the catching up, the rushing, the never being unplugged from the screens…that is killing us. My body SCREAMED to me “SLOW DOWN, TELL THE TRUTH, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR I WILL MAKE YOU!” Until I got it. Luckily it was just Shingles. Thank you Shingles for this blesson.
let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. -Rumi
body & wellness