The funny thing about life is that sometimes when you face challenges, and you don't DIE, you realize that the rest of it is just gravy. Here's what I mean. As I get older, I don't seem to have the ability, as much, to lie. I have seen and experienced a lot in my 51 years, and some of it will be in a memoir at some point. So when little things come up these days, and I have a choice between being people pleasing or speaking my truth, more often than not I speak the truth. A little thing happens in my head, where I say, "Fuck it, what do you have to lose?" Pardon my french, but it's TRUE! I try to never speak my truth with anger or resentment or rebellion. But when I do just state my integrity (yes, when you tell the truth you are in integrity with yourself) then the little girl in me jumps up and down and says, "WAY TO GO!!" I feel a release. I feel proud of myself. It is not up to me how the other person handles my truth. What is important here is that I ALWAYS PAUSE and ask myself "is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?" Now kind is arbitrary, but to me it means to not speak with ill intent. I know some people that time and time again throw gas on the fire called "haters." They think that by continuing to speak up against them it will quiet them, "I'll show them!!" But all it does is fuel the fire. BE CLEAR. Many times SILENCE SPEAKS MORE THAN WORDS, and you have to know when that is, as Michelle Obama says, "when they go low, we go high." Go high, always. And sometimes in silence.
So I ask you, how can you have more integrity with yourself by speaking YOUR truth? What inside of you is dying to come out? How are you shrinking yourself down? Not speaking your truth is soul crushing. But "coming out" and I mean coming out of the darkness of people pleasing and lying is your only redemption. A little bit at a time. And if you have children, what are you teaching them? It is a practice, do it a day at a time. Eat the elephant one bite at a time and don't beat yourself up when you fall back into the trap. But know that you are worth being heard. YOUR TRUTH. It will set you free.
let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. -Rumi
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